Finally Day 3-yeah its been a while.

God I am so bad at this. It has been a while. Well, I am happy with my wonderful girlfriend and school is keeping me pretty busy. I don't even know if anyone even reads this anymore.

Day 3-Parents

So I have had over the recommended amount of parents in my life. Divorce happens and then you get two more. I am going to keep it at that.
My step-dad just moved out recently so it has been hard. I have been mad at my mom and I feel hurt because it didn't even take two weeks for her not to just move on but to also practically have her boy friend move in with us. When that started I tried telling her how I felt and she said some hurtful things back. I am trying not to take my anger out on her boyfriend though, he is a nice guy and makes her happy.
So yeah. That has all been recently. I am surprised I haven't been on my little therapy blog sooner :)
Any way....parents can be as bad as teenagers sometimes. I wish they weren't but it happens. I love mine but they know how to piss me off.

Later days.

Finally Day 2

My crush....

I have had a lot of you during the years. Being single that long kinda makes it happen. I know some of you are married or engaged. Some I haven't seen for a while, some maybe not for years, but you are all still great people. Some of you are really better off as being my friends and I am so ok with that now. I dont have one of you at the moment im sorry. I found someone so i'm not crushing right now. Maybe in the future I will have more of you, we will just have to see. :)

Later days.

I know it wasn't the next day. I lied again. I might have a problem. Lets make this challenge a non consecutive one
i think that makes it better

Day 1-Bestfriend

I dont just have one of you. But you all know who you are. Wether I grope you all the time or don't. I still say I love you. Because I would do anything for you guys. I view you as family and you are so important to me. You guys were there when I needed you last term. And you are all just so damn awesome. And I will try to make a special effort to hangout with you guys all more often. I feel like I haven't recently and it doesn't feel good. You all brighten up my day more then I can say. And I will seriously be depressed when I don't see you all everyday. I love you guys so much.



Alright. Day one down. Later days. :)

So actually tomorrow.
I forgot about Sakura Con in Seattle. It was awesome by the way. :)
I will post about that later.
Letter challenge starting tomorrow.
Later Days

30 day challenge

im going to do this letter challenge starting tomorrow. :)
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite Internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind — good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to , but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Welcome to the 21st fucking century....

So big news, Japan had an earthquake that measured around 8.5 and then the aftershocks averaged at about 7 or more. Its crazy. They are devastated and everyone is feeling it. I guess living on the west coast I know more people who are Japanese or more people who have friends that were over there. And the tsunami, holy hell. I know Japan will come back stronger and better then ever but its going to take some time. I just hope for the best. For all the people without homes, all the people who have family or friends that died. And for the people who have wet stuff. That last one wasn't really needed.
One of Japan's nuclear plants had a partial meltdown......maybe even more then that.
So the rain we have been getting is radiated as well as just being unusually heavy.
Why do I bring up the radiated rain?
Im glad I forced the question into your head :)
It is because I got my first kick-ass kiss in radiated rain. Thats right I am awesome and you can't top that.
Its not to say that I haven't ever been kissed before now. Its just this was my first "definitely awesome, loving it, and we are both into it and eachother" kind of kiss.
And she had a boyfriend at the time, but a few days later not so much.
I know, I know. "Well thats not right Tommy, why on earth would you let that happen?"
Answer: Because I did.
So lets move on. :)
I had a great time today: March 23, 2010
I went to a cool video game party, and then open mic night @ Clockworks (A cafe downtown)and then went to shari's for some late night breakfast and got home at around 1:42
And guess what, my brother is sitting in a detention cell in Juvenal Hall.
So yeah thats a great day turned into a not so great day.
Welcome to the 21st fucking Century.

Later days.

Today was a great day. I'm tired and have loads of homework, but it was great.
I got to see my friend Erin. I haven't seen her since fourth grade. And we talked, caught up. It was great. She totally made my day.
I still feel like there is something horrible going to happen, and I have for a while. Everything I felt before didn't go away when Chuckles left. It eased off a little but its mostly still there, and that makes me scared, really, really, scared.
Cat's mom had surgery on tuesday and I was really worried. I prayed for a safe surgery and nothing happened. I am so glad whatever i'm feeling and whatever is coming wasn't something to Cat's family. I only want the best for her and I will do anything to help her get that. You know, I can't imagine life without her in it, the thought seems sad. She is my favorite person in the world and not having her around would seriously make life horrible.
I'm glad today was a good one. And I am really thankful Erin and me got together after all these years. It seems like everyone from elementary school is suddenly popping back up. And i'm ok with it.
And the term is almost over, thank god for that. But I have work to do.

Later days.

And its rain......again.

So its a monday. I got to wake up a little late and then go to school until later in the afternoon, and now I get to work until tomorrow morning.
It rained all day today. not just rain but it felt like the water was waging war on all of us. It was a lot of rain. Most people hate the rain, but I like it. It softens all the other sounds in the world. Makes the whole day have a white noise background.
I kinda felt weird today. I was tired but not as tired as I have been. And I felt kinda sad I guess. I don't know why... I have felt like there is going to be more bad things happening and maybe since I haven't had good sleep and I cant remember my dreams I am working through whatever grief might be coming ahead of time.
It really sucks.
And on a different note.......a man with three......nevermind.

I kinda feel like I would really just like someone to hold, someone who would make me feel happier then I am. I am lonely, and I have been for a while. It sucks and I can't believe I let myself get used to it. :(
But hopefully that will change soon. :)

Later days mes amis.

I still cant feel myself..........

So today was a pretty good day. Friday so that means no class and extra sleep. And then I spent a good afternoon with Kyle Lewis. We got lunch, sundays, and yeah. Then I played games at home and decided to drive to Tualitin with my parents to check out a new car we are getting. And then I hung out with one of my favorite people ever, Cathrine Frink ;P.
And that was fun, mostly 30 Rock and dreams.......;)
And then I decided to walk home.....with the pants that have no knees. And it was at most 23 degrees, maybe that was a bad idea, but oh well.
Today was fun. Thanks guys.

Later days

Moving and then shit breaks

So i have been doing better. Everyday is still longer then it should be and I need that break away from everything still, but i'm doing better. This weekend I helped some buds move into their new house. Awesome group of guys. It was fun. And after that it got a little wild-ish and I kinda broke their couch. But it will be alright. :)
Tomorrow......Today. :)
It is Miss Kay-tee Thatcher's birthday and we are all going to the beach!!!
Its going to be so much fun, i dont even care what the weather does because its still going to be great :D
Later days

Something Wicked this way comes...

If none of you have premonitions then you don't know what this feels like, mourning before a death happens, preparing yourself. I feel something coming, and it probably isn't good since I can't remember my dreams. At all. That is weird for me and usually means premonitions. I hate it sometimes,most of the time its about meeting people or being someplace new and important.
But recently I can feel something bad coming, death, disaster, change that isnt good. I feel like im drowning, like I can't take a breathe. I know it will pass but after Chuckles' death surprised me like that im worried about what is left, and who it might happen to. I haven't slept well for weeks, only a couple good nights in the last month in a half. And my mom feels it too.
And in 2009 i said that 2010 would be bad but that 2011 would be different then that, harsher. I even found an old word doc that I wrote that all down on.
Im going to try and get some sleep
Later days.

No Sleep and a better day then I have gotten for a while.

So it is friday night. And yesterday I got this computer game Couchman suggested. And then I wound up playing it with him and Devon until five o' clock in the morning. I then crashed on Devon's couch and slept till 11:30. Then I came home and ate. Then....
I cleaned the bathroom, and it needed it. It was really gross.
And I just kinda chilled at home cleaning and doing a little homework.
And then I had the lovely Ashlyn Thatcher come over. And that was awesome, so, so awesome. And we listened to Rex talk about trains and seeing the east coast.
It was a wonderful way to end the day.
Thanks Ashlyn. :)
And everyone else, later days!!

Blue Bird and another day.

It has been a weekend and then some, I have been doing a bit better. But that still isn't much. I have been trying to keep myself busy, hanging with friends and stuff like that. But every so often it comes out a bit and it feels like i'm getting stabbed a little. Everyday still feels like two, maybe even three at this point. I feel like I need a break, from everyone, from everything, just sit and relax maybe even just sleep for days. But I won't get that. The world won't stop for anything, so it won't for me.
But in better news I totally finished my song/poem "Blue Bird" I found the tune. Finally, and with the right tune the rest of the lyrics came flowing out.
So thats pretty good, I need to start drawing more. That comic won't draw itself.
Later Days.

Two Weeks.

Its been two weeks tonight. And I have been a mess all day today. I was feeling down so I went on a walk and on my way home I broke down a little. And then I came home and Nate had a whole house full of people. And i just tuned out and chatted to people on facebook. And after I was done with dinner I got a call from my dad. He heard that I had a friend die and then he basically in a span of ten minutes told me to do whatever I felt I needed to do and then proceeded to dismiss all of my religious beliefs and the one time I really felt like he was there for me. He was telling me advice about getting through a friends death, but it was stuff I have already just gone through and it made me even more upset and made me relive a bit of these last couple weeks. So after a while I went on another walk and broke down even more. Today is just a bad day, other then games with Kyle, Mac and Micheal its just been depressing and hard.
Later days.

Another day, and still it feels weighted.

A visit to Sacramento is looking like it might happen. At sometime.
I still feel like I need to get away, just escape for a while. I don't feel happy. And I feel so tired and depressed. I can't shake this off. And to tell you the truth I don't want to. I cant let the memories of Chuckles get blunt and unfocused. I know he is in a better place. I believe that the dream I had was more then that. But even though I got to say goodbye it is still just so hard. And its not fair that the world keeps spinning, that time keeps slipping farther and farther away from him.
There have only been a couple times these last few days that I felt happy, and they didn't stay as long as I would have liked. Karate has helped a bit. Its nice to be able to focus on my body and have my mind wrapped up in the moves and exercise.
Well I need to sleep.
Later days.

The lack of mental agility and what a difference it has on my measurement of change (also know as time)

Hahaha. Ok the long title made me feel a little awesome.
But it has been a week since I heard about my friend Chuckles. And it has felt like a lot more then two weeks. I have felt better after that dream. But barely. I feel like I got to say goodbye but at the same time now I just miss him. Everyday this week has felt like two. And I just feel like I should roll up into a ball and just sit for a couple days, away from the world. My mom said that her gay friends in Sacramento want her to bring me. I think it sounds like a great idea. I could get away and maybe even relax mentally. It would be great. i just feel like every minute is so heavy that i'm slowly being crushed. But thats grief for ya', heavy and crushing. But I hope it eases over time. I am sure it will, but in that time it will feel like forever.
A tout a l'heure

Its sunday and the only real update is that Ashlyn Thatcher is awesome. She was over last night and pretty much stayed the whole night. We were hanging out till 2 and then I went to bed. And a half an hour later she woke me up in bed and then Sean woke up and we just talked until at least 5:30. Then I got up early for church. And now I hate my house. I can't take Nate's fucking friends anymore. I just hate it. I actually hate being home recently. I can't stand it. I just feel like I am about to explode.
I also have to work tonight.
Later days.

This year was supposed to be better.

So its Friday. Wednesday was hard. I tried to keep myself from breaking down throughout the day. And I wasn't very with it in any of my classes. I only went to school because Chuckles was the kind of guy who never skipped no matter what. No matter how sick or how tired he was. He was always at school. But before I went to bed wednesday night I broke down. I just kept crying. I remembered all the conversations and times me and him shared. And then I prayed. I always start of a prayer with thanking god for everything I have and all the things that I get to experience. And I thanked him for bringing Chuckles into the world. For creating someone as special, intelligent, honest, and kind hearted as him. And letting everyone know how great he was. And then I broke down a little more. I wondered if maybe he was hurting and I didn't see it. Maybe I missed something. And I prayed that I could know.
And then thursday was just a bad day. I was upset the whole day, my eyes hurt and I was just trying to get through it. And I did. But it didn't help that I did.
And last night i had a dream about him.
In the dream I was driving to some kind of memorial me and everyone who was friends with him were having. He was sitting next to me and we were talking. But he was telling me that he was fine. That he was ok. He wasn't alive in my dream. But he was there. And he was telling me about all this stuff he wished he had said to certain people and all the good byes that he didn't get to say.
And I was writing them down on my arms. And then when I ran out of room then I wrote some on my stomach. And then I said good bye to him and then went to the memorial/party to remember him. And woke up. And immediately when I woke up Walrus jumped off my back and straight out the window.
And cats are considered to be conduits to the next life. And the dream was so vivid and real. I'm not sure how to feel about it. And I have been thinking about it all day. And later today Dexter came over since he was in the neighborhood and we talked and hung out a little bit. It was awesome. It was exactly what I needed.
I still feel horrible. And its not going to change anytime soon. I still don't even know if i'm alright or not. I am just trying to get through the day.
I will try to blog soon
Later days.

So tuesday wasn't a good day. I got news that my friend Chuckles killed himself during the weekend. And it was a rough day. Today was a bit easier but just a bit. I am still shocked but at the same time really missing him. I kept looking up and expecting to see him sitting in his usual spot in Bld. 2. I couldn't even sit anywhere near there. It just hurt too bad. Im not sure when this is going to get better. Or if it even will. I just can't believe it. Someone brilliant and wonderfully kind is gone. Just like that. And I just don't know why. I just can't understand why he would. And that just makes it hurt more.

Later days.

Yesterday was fun. I went to school because I didn't feel so bad and then I got to hangout with Cat, Ben, and Kay-tee
We went to Plato's Closet. It was awesome. The girls tried on some awesome stuff and me and Ben decided to make our own clothing line called Douche Mouse. Practically everything will have that douchey electric blue color on it. I think we will just call that Douche Blue......That reminds me I have to go call the Crayola people. :)
Then we went to party depot and bought some stuff for cheap since they are closing. And then since it was the Duck championship game we went over to Cat's house to watch Dexter after the game was over. But Kay-tee didn't join us for that. :(
She wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home.
So when we were at Cat's we set up four laptops on her kitchen table during most of the game. Then we went down stairs to re-watch the first episode of Dexter for the people who hadn't seen it before. And I helped cat fold her laundry....:D
And then it was back up stairs for episode two and three.
I got back a little after midnight and then texted Cat a little until one-ish something.
And I was woken up late for school by mister Mackenzie Layne because he was freaking the fuck out!!
Apparently my family thought I hadn't gotten back home last night. I don't know how they missed me. I was only in my bed asleep.
I can't believe that they even checked. How can you not see someone when you check their bed?
But yeah thats how my tuesday has been so far. But yesterday was a really fun.
Later days.

So sorry it has been so long since the last post. I got sick, again. And yes I do have the worst immune system in the world. :P
But I am feeling better today. Not as much of a fever even though i'm super stuffed up.
But i'm fine with that, its always the fever that kicks my ass. It feels horrible. Plus I get all fever weird, with the crazy dreams and whatnot. Last night I came up with an idea for a detective novel. Like an actual good one. And im pretty sure I can actually write this one. :)
So im going to try to work on that. And I hope its as good as I think it will be.
Later days y'all.

Well its tuesday. That means its better then yesterday even though I feel even more tired. I didn't blog last night because...................................... i wanted to get some sleep. But I still got just the minimum so it isn't even that great of an excuse. I went to french and had some cute girl sit next to me after she came in late. I also had to share my book with her. But its not like I was complaining. :)
Then I showed up late for Archeology because I forgot which portable it was in. It was a cold and extremely confusing ten minutes for me. But I got there and then looked like less of a tard because two other guys came in way later then me.
Then I was driving around with the cooler than life Kyle. And then i hung out with Cat for a bit. It was fun. She has this awesome hoodie. It has newspaper articles about Picasso and other artists. Then I got these loafers that no one could fit into at her house. So I totally SCORED!!!!! And then we went to good will and she picked up these awesome mugs. And I was just making sure i blogged before I got too busy with putting my homework off.
Later days

Sunday january first 2011

So I slept in really late today. I was going to go to church but then I just slept. I'm not sure if I was needed for the youth group or not......hmmm. But I did eventually get out of bed only to be surprised by my boss at the door minutes after. They tried to get a hold of me because her 8 year old daughter was wondering if I would take her to see Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows part 1. And so I did like an hour later. We had fun and she didn't freak out too much at the scary parts. :)
After the movie I was being a nerd and she even thought so. But it was fun and everything so it was a good day. I then got home and had a couple hours before work so I gathered all my school stuff up. Tomorrow is the first day of winter term. So Cat the awesome and wonderful friend that she is, will drive me to school at 8 even though she doesn't have class till 10.
I walked the two miles to work in the wonderful numbing winter temperature and then got a text to come at 9 instead of 8. So naturally I stop by and say hi to Cat since she only lives like two blocks from the house I work at.
I totally scared her too. She pulls into her drive way and gets out of the car and starts walking and then I came up behind her and was like "BOOO!!!"
It was awesome. And I spent a couple minutes talking to Cat and her mom. And I was given the go ahead to break out her baby pics from the cabinet to totally embarrass her the next time i'm over. You don't even know how happy that makes me. :D
And then I had to go to work. But now that Scott is in bed I have time to blog and chat with everybody online. I have to get up early to get him ready for school.
I might want to get some sleep.
Anyway.......... Later Days

Fun day today. I'm tired but at least it was fun. I woke up from my Buffy dreams and then got picked up by Cat. Then I was at her house for a fun painting time with her. I painted an abstract doodle I did in my psych notes this last semester, and Cat did this awesome sparkly noble banana. And I hung it up in my bathroom. :)
I also got another street sign for a dollar at a garage sale......that reminds me, I owe Miranda a dollar. And I know its illegal to own one.....but I have two. But it is the only illegal thing I do. Then after all the painting I went to Borderlands and then played one long ass round of Arkham Horror. And I have decided that the next time I play i'm going to ruin the game and be counter productive. :)
I'm probably going to play video games or something for the rest of the night. I will try to keep blogging day to day.

Later days

Its 2011. Finally. Man I was starting to think that 2010 would last forever. You know what, I had some good times this year but over all it was kinda a crap-fest. Yesterday I was picked up by the beautiful Cat Frink and Ben was there too. And then we headed over to the Thatcher house and hung with Kay-tee and Mac for a while. We all then went out and got sushi then well came back. We hung around for a bit and then Ashlyn Finally got home. I was so happy because she finally got to open my present for her. :)
Some people know what it was.......but I dont think the whole world needs to.
We heard all about Ash's time on the mountain this week and then talked and talked while she was trying to get ready for work. Then we showed up at her work for ice-cream!!!
I really love having a friend who works at baskin&robin's its so cool. Then we went to WINCO to get snacks. And unlike regular party goers we decided on canned pears, peanut butter, and soda. Are we weird? Yeah. But I think I have come to terms with that.
When we got back to the Thatcher house Cat and Kay-tee decided to bleach their hair. And that left me, Ben, and the sprung up out of the ground Eric to talk with Kay-tee's boy friend Ty-Ty. Who I might say is one cool kid. I like him. And after the hair dying Mac showed back up. Then we turned on a weird steampunk sci-fi movie ondemand. And we watched that until 11:50. And decided to watch the ball drop. Then we put on the middle part of 300 and ate TGI potato skins that was in the freezer.
And now on New Years day I woke up from a text send by Cat. We are having a painting day. Thats going to be awesome. But I think I have watched way too much Buffy The Vampire Slayer because I was having dreams that I was Buffy............that was really weird. Like damn. But it was a good nights sleep. And I needed that a lot.

Happy New Years Everyone and Later days.